Wait by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

simply that. love.
nothing more. nothing less.

why?
because i must.
because i’m told to.
because this life isn’t mine.

who?
just take a look around.
just wait and see who comes around the next corner.
just open your eyes.

how?
stop the judgmental glances.
stop the stereotyping and clicking.
stop putting yourself first all the time.

dare to be crazy.
believe that there is actually good in a person.
believe that he or she can love you back.
believe in a story that’s bigger then yourself.

be.
be who you are and nothing more. nothing less.
be contagious.
be completely and utterly devoted.

let go.
free to feel.
free to make mistakes.
free to free people.

don’t. you heard me. don’t
don’t give up on people.
don’t give into the lie that people can’t change.
don’t give into the lie that you can’t change.

take comfort.
you’re not alone in this war.
you’re the closest thing this world has to heaven on earth.
you’re His vessel.

live.
die to yourself.
die to your ways.
die to your fears.

weakness. not in Him.
together we find strength.
together this is no longer just a dream.
together anything is possible.

simply that. love.
nothing more. nothing less.

I wrote this love manifesto in the Spring of 2009 for my design fundamental class. We were asked to create a piece of artwork on a topic that we were passionate about and attempt to make a piece that would bring about social change. I chose to create a piece that would challenge the viewer to love people. And its this challenge of loving people that has overwhelmed me this summer.

Since the youth got out of school 2 and 1/2 weeks ago, the summer has been crazy busy. Our church has already had vacation bible school. My youth helped lead games throughout the week and finished the weekend off with a camping trip to Dan River Campground in Stoneville, NC. Although it was extremely hot and we were without electricity, we had an amazing time. Friday evening we were able to hangout by the pool, play some games, roast marshmellows over a fire, and finish out the night with a time of worship. After a long night, we woke up and had a wonderful eggs and bacon breakfast made by my wonderful daddy. We then loaded up and spent 2 hours tubing down the Dan River. The weather was perfect and the water felt glorious. I had an amazing time and the youth really seemed to enjoy it.

This coming Monday, me and 2 of my youth will be headed down the road to participate in a local World Changers project here in Rockingham County. With the project being completely full with some 310 participants, I’m so very excited to see what the God of this city is going to do through the hundreds of youth and adults that He is bringing together for a week. Please be in prayer for all of the participants, for the weather, for safety, and that His name would be made great through us.

I can’t believe it is already July. This summer is flying by and I’m not so sure that I’ve been able to keep up. Tonight is one of those nights that I wish I could turn off my brain for a few hours to get some sleep but sleep isn’t coming anytime soon. It has always been a weakness of mine to ask family and friends to pray for me but yeah…I’m trying to do better. First, I would ask that you would pray for my relationship with my youth. I only have five more weeks with them and that scares me for some reason. In the short amount of time I have been here, I’ve fallen in love with them. I want so much for them. I want them to know what I know about God from having a relationship with Him. I want them to know His amazing love. I want them to know His comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding. I want them to know His grace. I want them to look and see Him. I want them to love and be loved. The list goes on.

Second, please pray for my relationship with God. That I would continue to run and chase after Him. That I would continue to stay in His Word. That I would get me, myself, and I out of the way of what He is doing here. That I would feel His strength in my weaknesses.

Third, please pray for my health. I have been struggling the past couple of months with stomach issues, migraines, and dizziness. Last week when I went to the doctor, they did blood work and everything came back normal (praise God). I have an appointment with a GI doctor tomorrow and hopefully I’ll get some answers. I’ve been told that I will most likely have to get a colonoscopy done soon. Please pray that God would give the doctors the wisdom they need and for answers because I’m desperate for them. Pray that I would make it an hourly decision to give over the weight of this world that I find myself continuing to put on myself and give it to God. Pray that I would know a rest that doesn’t come from sleep but from God.

Finally, please pray that I would continue to learn what it means to love people as I continue what has already become an unforgettable summer.

Thanks for reading and please let me know if there is anything I can be praying about with you.

Love,

Morgan

So, unfortunately, it has been a while. Since the last time I wrote in January, alot has happened.

I have finished my junior year at Appalachian and it makes me very sad when I think about only having one more year there. But life goes on and I’m just trying to make it less and less about me. God has blessed me with a love for photography and I take pictures any chance I get. I love it when I can just go out and take pictures of God’s beautiful creation, my family, and my friends. Next semester will be filled with photography classes that will hopefully push me to see this world in a way that I have yet to see it through a viewfinder.

This summer I have gotten the amazing opportunity to work with a group of youth and children at Calvary Baptist Church in Reidsville, NC. I started last week and will be here until August 11th. I am staying with an amazing family. I met Amy Butler, who just graduated from ASU a couple weeks ago, when I came to visit Calvary last month. She is working with the youth at Sharon Baptist Church in Reidsville. Amy, her dad, Eddie, and mom, Deborah, opened their beautiful home to me for the summer. They have already been such a blessing to get to know and live with. The youth and the whole church family here at Calvary are amazing and I could not have asked for more. They have opened their arms to me and made me feel so welcome and loved. They are an amazing church family and I’m so thankful for them.

I am so thankful for this opportunity that God has given me this summer to work with the youth and children. I know it will be an unforgettable summer. But I also know it will be the hardest summer I have had to go through yet. The past several months have been a struggle for me and I feel that the struggle will only continue through this summer. But, as I’m going through this “wilderness,” I know that God will never give up on me and He will never leave me. I find peace in words that I have heard from amazing friends through the past few years: God asks me for obedience not perfection, God never intended for our faith to rest upon what’s going on around us, who I am is everything God needs, that I really matter for the reasons that God says I do, that God is really with me, and finally, that when God says He forgives me, He does.

I would ask that you would please pray with me this summer. Please pray for the youth: as they are finishing up this semester. Pray as they will be participating in World Changers (Rockingham Co. and Ottawa, Canada) and Caswell. Pray that God would open their hearts as He is inviting them out of their lead roles in their small stories and instead, to a supporting role in His big story this summer. Pray for the amazing adults that love on these youth and give everything for them. Pray for me: that I won’t get in the way of what God is doing in the lives of the amazing people here at Calvary. Pray that I will continue to find my strength, hope, peace, and comfort in God. Pray that God would give me the words to say to these youth. And finally, just pray for the relationships that I’m making this summer…that I would continue to love God, love people, and live love.

Thanks for reading and I hope to write ever so often this summer to update everyone and to share what God is doing.

Love,
Morgan

Update on the family and friends around me:
My Grandma and Grandpa Sloan are adjusting to the new normal. The past few months have been really rough on them and our family but God has blessed us so much. My Grandma and Grandpa Keith have entered into the technological world and have bought a computer. I helped them set up Skype and I have been extremely blessed that I can talk with them on a regular basis. Haha they also have facebook now and it’s so much fun to watch them learn everything. Mom and Dad are doing great. My brother Matt and his wife, Magan, are living in Wendell, NC and have the most precious puppy, named Molly. My sister, Megan, and I are getting ready to head back to Boone on Saturday. I am actually looking forward to getting back to the snow. My cousin, Brandi, and her husband, Jeremy are expecting their first baby boy in April. I’m super excited about that. Also, my good friends Heather and her husband, Drew, are expecting their second child. They have the most precious boy, named Daniel, and he is going to be an amazing big brother.

Update about me:
I am a second semester Junior at Appalachian State University. I am majoring in Technical Photography and minoring in General Business. I am loving my classes and the opportunities that God has given me to learn about something that I love. After working with Mission Serve for the past two summers I have finally decided to move on. I am going to miss driving around in that truck pulling a trailer soo much. I’m hoping and praying to get a job working with a youth group. I’m super excited about what God has in store for this coming semester and summer. I’ll be taking 18 hours this semester. I’m very nervous about that but we’ll see how it goes soon enough.

I love reading and it is something I will probably end up talking about alot. This evening I just started reading Authentic Relationships by Wayne & Clay Jacobsen. I am constantly struggling with how to better love God and love people. So I’m really looking forward to reading more of this book. The book starts with having you look at your relationship with God: “You cannot hope to give to others what you have not received from God himself. One anothering begins on the inside.” (Pg. 23)

But it is supper time so that will be all for now. Below are some pictures from Christmas. Talk to yall soon.

So please learn from my mistakes (of which I am thankful for making because God has used them to mold me into the person that I am today) and be selflessly humble.  Humble is such a way that it is all about God and not you.

Luke 14:11 NIV “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

I am currently putting off homework because today has been long and hard.  I think that everything from these past couple of months is catching up with me and I am just physically tired.  I am struggling with balancing classes, extracurriclar activities, keeping in touch with family and friends, and having just me and God time.  But I am remembering that my strength is in God and He can handle it.

So if you haven’t heard, I am looking at changing my major to technical photography.  I have three photography classes this semester but only one where I can actually take pictures.  I am really enjoying it so far.  I don’t quite have the same confidence that everyone else seems to have but I really do enjoy taking pictures.  I bought a single-lens reflex camera and we are only allowed to shoot black and white film.  That has been pretty interesting to have to learn to shoot film and then develop it.  My first two experiences in the dark room were a little intimidating but it is slowly getting easier.

I am also getting involved in Appalachian’s Baptist Campus Ministry and that has been a blessing so far.  They are starting bible study groups outside of Elevate on Tuesday night called Epoch groups.  I am helping a friend named Amanda as we lead a group of freshman girls.  They have been so much fun to get to know and I am so excited to get into God’s word with them.  Please be praying for this group of girls has we grow in our walks with God throughout this semester.

This past summer has been fresh on my mind and it has definitly kept me going strong in tough times.  Please continue to pray for me as I’m trying to be still, quiet, and listen for God’s voice on a daily basis.

1 Corinthians 7:17 The Message: “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.  Where you are right now is God’s place for you.  Live and obey and love and believe right there.”

Page 33-34 : Divine Invitation. Giglio talks about Moses and when God calls him to go to Pharaoh to rescue the Israelites from Egypt. Moses is confused and overwhelmed and doesn’t understand why God would want to use him. Moses feels like he is incapable of accomplishing the task asked of him but as Louie Giglio points out, God does expect Moses to do the delivering but instead, God is going to do all the work. He just wants to use someone with skin…in this case, Moses.

If you have never read i am not but i know I AM, I highly recommend that you do…it is absolutely amazing.

So I have just gotten back from Jackson, Michigan and after a great night of sleep I am sitting here thinking back over the past couple of weeks and in awe. I knew that this summer working with Serve Management Group would be overwhelming and demanding but I never thought I would be forever changed by the experiences, relationships, fellowships, and the encounters with God this summer. I don’t even know where to begin. Before my summer started, my prayers were filled with fears and uncertainty of what the summer and next fall would hold for me. I knew that it was going to be a big summer emotionally, physically, and most of all, spiritually. I have constantly struggled with my future and it has always been a burden for me. Looking back on my first year in college and the beginning of this summer…I have changed so much. I thought I had it all figured out or at least knew how to ‘play the game’ that I knew what I wanted going into college. And I have never felt more alone then when I went off to college but God taught me so much about myself and the relationship that I have with Him. I was petrified to transfer to Appalachian State University because I was afraid that I was making another mistake (with the thinking that Lees-McRae was a mistake). Looking back, I know now that Lees-McRae was anything but a mistake. I know that it is because of the experiences that I had there that have led me to the realizations that I have come to. In the past four weeks alone God has shown me that my fears for my future have paralyzed me and have kept me from serving Him and that the fear of making a mistake has completely consumed me and it has affected my attitude towards everything that I do. He has shown me that I am constantly praying for Him to just show me without a shadow of doubt the direction that He wants me to take and I’ve been praying that He would help me to trust Him more. I prayed all these things but still didn’t believe or have the faith in Him that He could do all those things for me and I still worried about those things to the point that it was all I could think about.

My first project for the summer was in a familiar place – Oak Park Baptist Church in New Orleans, LA. And for this familiar place I am grateful. I had worked at Oak Park for two previous summers as well and thought I had it all under control when leaving training in Cumming, GA. Thankfully, God put me in my place on the first day of me and Cassie-Marie’s (my partner for the summer) arrival. I started setting up the office for the week when I realized that I had left my computer (with all of my information for the week) at the hotel we had stayed at the night before (two and a half hours away). I was so upset already having to depend on someone else, other then myself, to help get me through the week. I realized really quick that I was so caught up in the idea that I had to do all of the responsibilities of my job by myself. God showed me that this summer wasn’t going to be about how well I did the paperwork of my job but instead, this summer was all about the relationships that would be formed and developed. While in New Orleans, on Tuesday night, while sitting in the balcony during worship at Oak Park Baptist Church, God broke me. I have always cared too much about what people think and so I asked everyone that I was close to for advice and what they thought was best as far as my future. I reached a point where I could no longer distinguish the voices of my family and friends from that of the still, small voice of God. God showed me that no matter what happens, transferring to ASU is not going to be a mistake and going through with photography isn’t going to be a mistake because it is the experiences and the journey along the way that means everything. I can’t say that I am not scared to be doing photography but I have reached the point where the fear no longer consumes my every thought and paralyzes me.

In the past three-four weeks, God has just really shown me how small I am and just how big He is. He has shown me that this summer isn’t about the job for me or all the paperwork. But that this summer is about the relationships…the relationships with the participants, adults, group leaders, the local residents’ of the project location, and most importantly my relationship with God.

My second project location was in Jackson, Michigan. This is when I realized I better start journaling everything that God is showing me this summer so this is just an entry from my journal:

6/23/08

Jackson Christian High School

Evening Worship

Speaker: Keith Loomis

Wow! This is going to be such a difficult summer but one that I will never forget. I am still scared about my future and what God has in store but it is such a relief to be able to say that I am no longer letting my fear hold me back and paralyze me and to realize that everything is going to be o.k. God is teaching my to “enjoy the ride with the lights on.” Keith, our speaker for the week, has challenged us to pay attention to who we feel God is giving us a passion to love. And it is this evening that I have realized that my passion and love is for youth and the adults that work with them. Before now, it was my own church youth group that I was passionate about and loved. But tonight I realize that youth, as a whole, mean the world to me. They have sooo much influence and it is such an important time in an individual’s life. I am not only passionate about youth but also, to the adults that sacrifice everything for their youth. This summer I have learned that nothing could happen without the leadership and sacrifices of the adults from each group.

Tonight was so amazing…God was in this place tonight and He showed me that He has never left me and He never will…God has also shown me that I am His desire…His desire! (I don’t know if you ever thought about this but if you haven’t, take a second to think about it because it was a mind-blowing thing for me…you are His DESIRE). Everything I do is for Him and I want to glorify Him through it all. I am going to miss the relationships made here but I know that so many seeds were planted this week and my hope and prayer is that someone else will come along to help feed and grow the seeds planted in the hearts of these youth and local residents. My hope and prayer is that when I get back home and back at school, that I won’t look back and realize that I am no different, that I haven’t changed inside and out by the grace of God.